Hope

"All my life I've been searching, face by face, and day by day. I've walked a hundred shorelines, but all my footprints have been taken by the waves. I've trusted and I've loved, I've reached out time and time again. I've lied and I've betrayed, I've whispered evil things into the wind. Everything I've ever seen, or felt, or heard has left me with no purpose, or meaning, or reason. But were I to curse God and die, that would be the ultimate treason. Well I feel so dead, even though I'm alive. It's the things that I have done, that I could never deny. I met a man the other day, as he pulled me aside, he told a story with a fire burning in his eyes. He said I know who you are, and I know where you've been. I've walked the same shorelines, and I've felt the same wind. I've lied and betrayed, and I've said evil things. I put my trust in the world, and I know what it brings. I remember my wife, and the love that we shared, and the smile on her face, and the smell of her hair. On the day we met, I was dead inside, but then she spoke these words, fire burning in her eyes, 'The Lord knows who you are, and he knows where you've been. He keeps an eye on the shores, and an ear to the wind. Though you make your bed in the pit of hell, He'll stay by your side, and He'll love you still.' Well it's been five years now that she's been gone; I'm giving you her words, so you might carry them on. This is love, this is hope."

-"Hope" by Hands

Standing Still

How in the world is someone supposed to be or act when someone very close to them is taken away so abruptly with no warning? You hang out with someone everyday non-stop and you are best friends with them, and then all of the sudden they are gone. There was no time to say good-bye; no time to see it coming in the first place. It just happened. They're gone and you're left standing still not knowing what to do. Some people might quickly confide in others, whether in a good or bad way. Their former joy is replaced with a new sense of "normal." Some people turn to God, as they should, and they find peace in His perfect plan; knowing He is in control. And others close up. Turning away from what they know they should do. They don't confide in others because they feel like no one else will understand. They don't turn to God because they don't understand why this has happened, and they can't accept that they may never understand; even if they know in their hearts that God has a perfect plan and is still in control.

Before this happened to me, I never once questioned anything. Life was fun, joyous, bright. All the questions seemed to have simple "feel-good" answers. But then this. Life now is just dull. All the answers turned back into questions. Even when I feel that I make progress towards God, I am again smacked in the face and I realize I am completely closed up. How can I learn to completely trust God in this? Yet even through all of this, God is with me. God is here and He loves me. He is love. I understand that, whether or not I understand His plan. God help me be patient. God help me trust. God help me be opened to You.

"Some sat in darkness and the deepest gloom, prisoners suffering in iron chains, for they had rebelled against the words of God and despised the counsel of the Most High. So He subjected them to bitter labor; they stumbled, and there was no one to help. Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom and broke away their chains. Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men, for he breaks down gates of bronze and cuts through bars of iron." -Psalm 107:10-16